I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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