just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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