Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
