I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
