Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Randomize
