Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
