Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
