i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
