your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
