____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Help me help you realize you are a moron
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
