There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
