No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
