Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
