mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I supernannyed him into submission
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
