i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You pole danced in your parka.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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