listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
