last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
How does it feel to date your dad?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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