dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
This toilet bowl is my home.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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