Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
God I need to hump something, right now.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
