So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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