I just pynch a tree in the face
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
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Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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