He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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