my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
