Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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