Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
