I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I would ride that face into the sunset
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
