My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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