pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
