haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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