five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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