not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
