my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
