last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Randomize
