im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
