just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
