U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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