We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
