This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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