god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
