I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
