im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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