Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
