I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
