the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
