guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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