So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
