How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
