Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
