we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
