Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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