and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize