I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
