I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i wish my penis had a tongue
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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