never play flip cup with pint glasses
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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