i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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