I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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