it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
