I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
