You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
