The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
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