dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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