They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
