My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
