Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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