Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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