I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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