We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
